taiwan tiger 台灣的老虎

Love with Maple

Recently I experimented with the local Taiwanese wines in the shop on the corner.   My reward?  I found the WORST WINE IN THE WORLD.  I have tasted many many red wines, and this was absolutely undrinkable.  It probably was the...believe or not...maple syrup that was added.  But certainly the English on the bottle was priceless.

Love of Country

Love with Maple
When We are together
We enjoy life with wine Sharing the wonderful moments
that go an and an, Fry it at once.

Perhaps the only good use is indeed to fry it at once.  It was impossible to drink.

You Know Your School is Out of Money When...

In the neverending attempt to conserve and save money here in Taiwan (not like anyplace is exempt from that, of course....), comes this gem.  My school, instead of placing separate toilet paper dispensers in each stall of the faculty bathrooms, has a central dispenser.  If you have to go, you first pull off how much you estimate you will need, then choose your stall--Chinese or Western (squat or sit).  How exactly a centralized system like this acutally saves toilet paper, I will never know.  Of course, a concerned citizen will take a little more than they expect to need, so as not to run out while away from the dispenser, right?  Right.  Next comes this little sign of encouragement.  Please SHARE your toilet paper.   Though the Chinese doesn't match the English here, the message is clear enough.  What I want to know is just how to share that toilet paper.  All I can say is, "Me first!"

Naughty Foods and No Talls

No, I don't want to eat ANYTHING that the naughty family made.  What did they do to the tofu that was so naughty?  I don't think I want to know....  Or maybe it is only for naughty families to consume.

I photographed the park rules below in A-Li-Shan. 

For the most part, they are understandable.  Number 4, "Stuff up.  Reconstract, Extended the and tunnels" clearly means don't shove things in drainage tunnels.  Number 2 on the right
hand side, though, is curious.  No "talls."  Like, how tall?  Am I too tall?  I hope not.  What they really mean is no Stalls.  Like food stalls and whatnot.

An odd choice of words

A few days ago I went to a local coffee shop for the first time. The owner was very nice and we had a nice chat, during which he told me that if I had any problems here in Taiwan, I should make sure to ask him for help. I definitely will go back soon, it's a nice little place. I took a look at their webiste just now, and found one quite strange use of English. I've definitely seen my share, but this clearly decorative use of English is an extraordinary example of non-sequitor. Delicately balanced underneath the header to the page is this strange paragraph: "In February, [Christopher] Reeve became the third person in the United States to undergo a surgical procedure called diaphragm pacing, which involves threading tiny wires through incisions in the diaphragm." This tidbit, which comes from a November 2003 AP report, is just what I want to read as I consider my dining options for the evening.

Love Story of a Man and his Watermelon

I bought a new notebook, made in the mainland. It's cover relates the touching but improbable romance between a man and his fruit. Click to enlarge the photo. The love can't can get any bigger.

Darkness in the Streets

Yes, I know. It has been a while. I've been incurably busy with enjoying myself and studying Chinese. Here's a quick post, though I suppose this merits a PG-17 rating.

I went clothes shopping on Sunday. Always a frustrating experience in Taiwan for someone who is relatively tall. For example, I have yet to find a single pair of shoes in my size. Not a one. Maybe in Taipei, where they can service foreigners with big feet. But where do all the large sized Taiwanese people go? I haven't figured it out yet. All the XL or XXL clothes that I buy seem to fit okay, except for many shirts, which leave my wrists bare. Fin and I went to a clothing district in the center of Kaohsiung, as we both knew of some little shops there with interesting stuff. The abuse of the English language was once again enthralling, though today a bit disturbing. One of the shirts carried at a major marketer named Net (kind of like a Taiwanese Gap or Banana Republic) featured a shirt with the words "Beat Off" emblazoned on the chest pocket. Umm, I explained, not exactly the choice of words I would advertise on my person. Of course, then there was the t-shirt with the obligatory non-sequitor paragraph stuck dead center of the front. This one was an ode to times gone by when people would go and hang out at "The Cuntry Store." No joke, we can't even vocalize this word without considering the repercussions or political statement we are making, I explained to Fin, and here it is at full volume. Of course, it was misspelled "Counry Store" later in the paragraph, just to even things out.

On Monday we went to a noodle shop in an old area of Tzuoyin that featured delicious hand-shaved noodles. Located next to the navy base there, the noodle shop was one of the last business open in this area, which is in the process of being deserted. Strange, very strange, to drive down a street with no electricity, the doors and windows all pulled off of the house faces, valueless contents strewn about inside, houses just waiting for removal. This is a particularly interesting area. I'll tell you what I know, though a foray into Taiwanese history might prove me wrong in the details. When Chiang Kai Shek and his Nationalists fled to Taiwan in the late 40s, a massive building project was started to give all the veterens homes. So these veteran towns sprang up, often built on the land taken from someone else. The whole village was an orderly, measured affair that housed veterans and their families in the same hierarchies that existed in the army. The officers got officer houses, and the privates got private houses (well, you know what I mean). Recently, a lot of these developments have decommissioned, it seems. Fin's family used to live in one until recently, but they had to move because the government cut off the electricity and water. Of course, they did that because it was a "dying community"--people moving out at high rates. It was just strange to be in this sort of dead zone of a city. As we were driving into the area, I thought to myself, "well, my, isn't this a nice quiet area" until I realized that the streetlights weren't coming on, and most of the building's interiors were black. It just seems so strange in a way, to pull the plug on a community like that, though perhaps it is explainable in terms of a backlash effect. The inevitable result of taking land that isn't yours, I suppose...

Hooooo, Sheeeee

On Friday I was on my way to school when I happened into my first traffic accident. I was driving my scooter along at a relatively leisurely pace, as it was before 10 a.m. and I was not fully awake. A car behind me began to overtake me. A blue BMW with sport exhaust package--generally known as a young gangster's car. They are often tooling about in the neighborhood near the university. As he passed me, I noted with some shock that he was within about 6 inches of me, literally. This is generally a few inches closer than normal here, so I was a bit annoyed. Then, instead of waiting unti he had fully passed me before pulling back over to the right, he started while he was halfway through the pass, clipping the front of my scooter. Fortunately, I didn't lose control of the bike or anything, so I just kept scootering on, looking for signs to pull over should the driver think it was necessary. Which, of course, he did. So he slowed down, and I slowed down, nervously wondering if the occupant in this case actually was a gangster. It is a fairly common story to hear of these guys ramming the back of your car, then claiming (with fabricated witnesses) that it was all your fault, then demanding money for the damages. Wary of this scheme, I waited until a relatively public intersection to pull over. The guy rolls down his window and mustered up the meanest looking face he could. He just stared. I was a little scared, but mostly amused at his badboy look. I'm sure my foreigner status might have bought me off here. So he glowered at me, and I gave a deadpan look back at him as if to say, "listen, you fricken' idiot, you're the one who nearly killed me." I also managed to stifle my overpowering urge to flick him the bird, which I was rather pleased about. I uttered a simple "hao bu hao?" (It's ok?). He got out of his car, forgetting to put on the hand brake, and check the side of his vehicle, which already had several sizeable dents in it. Being ever the kind samaritan that I am, I did manage to alert him to the fact that his car was rolling, albeit slowly, towards some unknown end on the quay, perhaps perched on one of the fishing boats that line the road. Or perhaps in the drink itself. He waved me off with an its OK sign and I got out of there. Of course, I am waiting and watching my rear view mirror for the blue BMW. I think I will start to take a different route to school, just to be on the safe side. It's a nicer drive anyway.

Recently I had the opportunity to sample what is a morning ritual throughout Taiwan, but which also points out some the many times when seemingly incongruous things inhabit the same place at the same time. Like the girlie show at the wedding banquet. While the dawn spreads its rosy fingers upon Taiwan, thousands gather in cultural centers and parks to partipate in tai chi or weird unidentifiable stretching exercises. We were up on a memorial park that overlooks Kaohsiung, getting some late night grub from one of the food stalls that sells BBQ items and "things on a stick" that simmer endlessly in broth until some lucky soul liberates them. I liberated, apparently, some fish ball thing, jellied pig blood, and BBQ'ed chicken ass. Yes, it was. And yes, it was good, as was the pig blood thing. After that and a bowl of soup, we walked up the stairs to the upper portion of the memorial park. In one part, about 40 people hopped around to aerobics, led by an instructor, while a noticeably smaller crowd followed the tai chi instructor in morning meditative movements. Accompanying the tai chi master was a odd sounding soundtrack of plinking Chinese string instuments and a female voice that repeated (or almost sang, really) over and over the rallying cry of "hooooooo" followed a few seconds later by "sheeeeee." The former--hu1 呼--means exhale, the latter--xi1 吸--means inhale. The whole scene was rather relaxing and meditative for 5:45 a.m., so my little group paused from our walk and tai chi'ed for a while. At the same time as "hooooooo" "sheeeee" blared from the speaker stands, however, 30 feet away another set of speakers roared a man belting Taiwanese favorites from a portable KTV (karaoke) stand. I don't know if he showed up this early just to sing his heart, or whether he was avoiding going home from the previous night. The mishmash of sounds--aerobics group, hooo shee lady, and the Taiwanese crooner--was another reminder of the fact that it is almost never quiet here.

Tonight a friend took me to dinner at a place here called Au-Ma, featuring European cuisine. It's a pretty good deal, really, and the food is tasty. You choose a number of items from a set menu. I had a tiny shrimp appetizer, a modest Ceasar salad, delicious seafood and asparagus soup, a small beef filet, creme caramel dessert (no, sorry, it was actually "desert") and a cafe latte for NT$350--about US$10. The restaurant also has a tea service, with little nibblies. One setting is in the normal afternoon slot, and and other is from 9-midnight.

Speaking of menu misspellings, this one comes from my neighborhood coffee shop: "Rich Wiggle with Sal Man." I think it is some sort of salmon in pasta cream sauce, but the "wiggle" part throws me off.

Trip to Tainan

A few days ago, i got a call from someone I had known briefly in Seattle. Naomi is from Kaohsiung and was in town for a few days. She lives in LA now. We arranged to meet this weekend to go to Kenting, but she called me yesterday and suggested going to Tainan instead. Tainan is close to Kaohsiung--about an hour by car. She said that they were trying to get tickets to a concert held in a big salt field. Since I am pretty much game for anything, I readily agreed. It turned out that they couldn't get tickets, but we went to Tainan anyway. So Naomi and her sister (from Seattle and now LA) and her sister's friend Erin (from Taipei) picked me up in Kaohsiung, and we headed up north. The traffic was a nightmare, though--at times we were on a dead stop on the highway for 5 minutes. We finally made it much later than planned, but in good spirits. Our first stop was a bird sanctuary on the very edge of the island. Many people come out to see the Black-faced Spoonbill on the wetland habitat near the edge of the ocean. Though they were pretty far away from the viewing area, and it was getting dark, it was still interesting. After that, we ate a famous spot in Tainan, a city known for good food. This place, called 周氏蝦捲 (Chou's), is know for their delicious fried shrimp rolls. Here's their website: http://www.chous.com.tw/. The second button down on the menu shows some pictures of the famous shrimp rolls and the restaurant now. They are very good! We also had soup with shrimp balls and stewed duck eggs. Very yummy. After that, we headed over to another famous eatery, Anjing Jelly (?). So a common dessert in Taiwan is basically a cold, sweet liquid floating very soft tofu and your choice of red beans or tapioca balls. It sounds a bit strange, but it is very good. I havve had it twice so far, and enjoyed it both times. Evidently, there is a street in Tainan that seems to sell nothing but this dessert.

Next we took a spin by the old fort in Tainan, which was closed, but interesing anyway. Tainan is the site of the first Chinese non-indigenous settlements in Taiwan (late Sung Dynasty, around 1100), as well as the first European settlement. The fort in Tainan, Fort Provintia, was built by the Dutch in 1653. It was the Dutch who named the place Taywan and colonized Taiwan from 1624-1662 before they got kicked out by the Chinese. Around the area, there are a lot of very old streets and houses. Some of the houses have their age posted on the outside. Though I don't know how verifiable it is, the oldest one we saw was 400 years old.

Oh, while I was in Tainan, I saw my first prostitute in Taiwan. By saw, I don't mean like you "see" the dentist. I just saw her standing on the street corner. Evidently, I have missed the number in Kaohsiung who hang out by the river.

On the way back, we took the new highway (4 years old, maybe) and stopped at a "rest area"--which turned out to be more like a convention center. It stretched over the highway, and had a coffee shop (with live entertainment!) right over the highway. It was made even more strange by the number of families that were there. I guess when you are from a small town and don't want to go into the city, the next best thing is to hang out drinking coffee while traffic zooms beneath you as if it were water flowing under a bridge. Hey, I haven't figured this one out yet, okay? I arrived home in Kaohsiung pretty tired. I always forget how seeing lots of new things is so draining.

On Friday, my Japanese friend Keita asked me to attend an after meeting function of the Kaohsiung Toastmasters. Now, I was a little skeptical--I have always thought that Toastmasters is some sort of cover for a cult of some sort. I mean, when you publishable goals are as vague as providing a supportive atmosphere for public speaking and leadership, the possibilites for abuse can be high. Since I knew a few people in the US who go to these Toastmaster things, I decided to give it a shot. It was really pretty harmless and fun--I didn't notice anyone behaving cultishly. It was a nice opportunity to meet folks from a lot of different areas and jobs in Kaohsiung. I think I might go next meeting, but I am not really motivated to do public speaking, so this may be a problem.

One other really funny thing to report: there is a character in a Japanese animation whose name is Wooz. Now, if you were going to have an amusement park dedicated to Wooz and the gang, what would you name it? Think about lots of roller coasters, kids with sweets, roller coasters, spinning rides--things that make you woozy. You would, if you were in Taiwan, name this amusement park "Woozland." Yes, somehow the Woozland Amusement Park conjured up different images for me before I learned of this animation character. Come on kids, it's off to Woozland! Don't forget your barf bags!

Night Markets

So tonight I finally spent some time at a big night market. I have been to small ones, but I kind of wanted to with someone else, so I was holding off. Tonight my friend Cho-long and I ate dinner at the Miao Kou (Temple Mouth) market near my home. On Shuli's advice (she used to go there when she was a student at NSYSU), we had the Shui Jiao (boiled dumplings) and O A Jian (oyster omelet). They were excellent! The oysters are cooked on a frying surface, then green veggies and chinese scallions are added, then egg is poured over it, folded over, and served with a reddish sauce drizzled over it. The Miao Kou is just an open courtyard in front of the temple with food carts and tables set up. So we got 2 cans of beer from the store across the street, ordered our food and sat down at a table, where we were soon feasting. After that, we decided to go to the Liuhe Road Night Market. This is basically a 8 block street that is closed off, with many similar food vendors, grilling sausages or making noodles or cooking the seafood that is displayed in front of them. There are also many clothing vendors. Ever on the lookout for a good clothing bargain, I scanned the US$3 T-shirt table and came across a gem. I am now the proud owner of a Los Angeles Lakbrs T-shirt. No, that wasn't a typo. I'm sure it is much cheaper to market a T-shirt here if you misspell the name on the logo. GO LAKBRS! Of course, I wanted to hold out for a Seattel Scnices shirt, but LA will have to do for now.